Ive heard it a million times growing up. Its a common thing for people to be looking for love in all the wrong places.
Its a less common thing to be looking for grace in all the wrong places but thats where I find myself today.
Most people, myself included, grow a thick skin and things roll off. Even the biggest softies, myself included, can be "hardened" by life's circumstances. We don't need grace.....at least we won't admit it. We all know this can be really unhealthy if you take it too far.....but WOWEE life is so much easier and you are so much more successful.
sort of.....
It really depends on your definition of "successful".
My definition of "successful" was for nobody to be able to hurt me again.....and to appear "strong", "good" and "functional" to the outside world. Sure people saw the cracks here and there but I thought I could just pretend like they didn't.
Thats a problem. Success is fleeting.
Long story short. A person came into my life that really helped me see myself and the damage I was doing to them. I was a zinger! I could reduce you to nothing......probably still can but I won't.....promise. Im not going back there.
That person, just by being who they are, did me in.....sent me for a tailspin.
I crashed and it was ugly.
Thank GOD!
It's been a really long hard road.....Ive been in construction for many years now. I hope I'm never out of construction (but somedays I really wish I could just take a rest). One of the things I've been trying to work on is being a more tactful, graceful person.....able to verbalize myself more clearly. Most of the time I don't think its working out so well. I fail miserably on a consistent basis. Usually if I take my eye off the ball for one minute, Ive done something I shouldn't have. I've all but given up.
I know I can't do it by myself so I wait for the potter's hands.
You know, sometimes the potter throws a pot that gets damaged and it just doesn't work very well.....but He keeps trying so here I am. Even when I shook my fist and turned my back in all my glorious ignorance, he picked me right back up, added life giving water to soften me and started over. He kept sending people into my life to help build me back up and He made it obvious. He's still doing that today.
I often wonder why.....he certainly didn't need to. I yelled at God from the depths of my soul. I was done.
His grace.
How can you deny He loves you after that?
Today, I had a person be something less than graceful with me. Not understanding, lashing out etc. I don't even know this person to speak of. Usually, this just rolls off and if it bothers me, I try to come up with scenarios that would cause them to behave the way they did and I can find some compassion somewhere. I really don't have a problem past this. So what is my problem today? Well.....
Im having an adult tantrum
I've had enough, Ive seen enough and I just want people to have more grace with each other. Mostly because I really would like some myself but also because I know what its like to be the person who it seems isn't getting a lot of it lately. It can really hurt. I've always known that, but this seems to be cutting a lot deeper.
I'm noticing some changes in myself.....I think gracefulness is taking root in my heart.....I hope it is anyway. Because of that, Im probably being really sensitive to the lack of it around me.
The potter is likely putting me in the kiln to make sure his work stays.
I can appreciate that
While I sit here and cook (or as I like to call it "receiving my beauty heat"), I need to quit looking for grace in all the wrong places. Hopefully, when I'm done, I'll have grace and compassion for those that don't. It'll be soaked into the depths of my heart until its second nature. Most importantly right now...
I need to look for grace in all the right places.
He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time
-2 Timothy 1:9
His grace
given
before the beginning of time
No comments:
Post a Comment